The Listening Experiment
“The art of conversation lies in listening.” - Malcom Forbes
It’s not a secret that I love to talk. Since childhood, I’ve always been quick to share stories, opinions, relevant (and sometimes irrelevant) facts, and anecdotes. Communication skills, including the dreaded public speaking, came easily to me and are a considerable part of my professional life.
So, with a certain amount of confidence, I began to explore my everyday use of verbal and nonverbal communication. I was surprised at what I found. When I took a step back and observed myself in conversation, I found myself crafting my responses before my colleague/friend/child/stranger (the list goes on and on) had finished speaking. I was hearing the other person but not listening or connecting to their words.
After this realization, I became curious. Why was this happening? I tried assessing my motives for “tuning out.” Was I trying to craft a winning argument? No. Was I trying to stay a step ahead of the conversation? No. Was I bored with the discussion? No. I found that this wandering of my mind was simply a habit, a default, an unchecked and unnoticed tendency.
By bringing attention to this pattern of behavior, I began to change it by staying present and giving my full attention to the conversations in my daily life. It’s a work in progress, but I celebrate every time I catch myself wandering. That simple act of mindfulness - bringing myself back into the present moment - is progress.
I've noticed changes since I began my listening experiment (actively listening - not just hearing). The quality of my relationships has deepened. I am less defensive and reactive in challenging situations. My responses have become more genuine and thoughtful. Overall, I feel more connected and grounded in my communications with others.
Are you ready to face this challenge in your own life? Examine your interactions with others. Do you tend to “tune out” of the conversation? Do you formulate your responses before the other person is finished talking? Do you multitask when you are on the phone? What is your default pattern of behavior? Once you observe yourself, you might be surprised by what you discover. If you decide you’d like to change your habitual patterns, begin by simply staying in the moment. Keep yourself in the present, engaged with what is happening right now, and bring yourself back to the present moment as often as necessary.
What a beautiful gift we can give our loved ones, acquaintances and strangers alike - our presence right here - right now.
Are you interested in exploring more mindfulness techniques? Consider reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, or connect with me for more recommendations.
With love and gratitude,